The story of my life.
To Becca and many others, with gratitude.
I was born without morals
Without empathy
Without love,
So it is amazing in a way
That hardly anyone suffered because of me.
I had my shameful moments
All before the age of about 17,
But I was not really evil.
I have never molested a child.
Never forced a woman to have sex with me,
Never had sexual relations with a man,
Yet I was born without morals,
Without empathy.
It’s true that I had good points,
I could not blatently lie
That meant I had to make up new lives for me,
I needed to act,
To be a clown,
To write fiction
And write under various personæ.
It is what people who cannot lie do best.
Sadly I have an arrogance,
I am a terrible name-dropper,
Yet all the none-poets I met
I only met through my job,
And the only Americans
Were poets,
Like Anne Stevenson
The first person to help
Me to start to get published.
But I shamelessy name-drop
Without saying that some of whom I met
(Like John Cleese
Who thought me an insufferible little prig!)
For I was born without morals
Without empathy
Without love.
So why do certain things like the death of someone,
The cruelity to a child,
Wars, poverty and so on
Disgust me so?
To be honest
There is only one reason
I have never hurt, never killed,
Gratitude.
Grateful to people for loving me,
Every man woman or child
Who have made a kind remark to me
Every smile they gave me
And every laugh.
They should have killed me at birth
People said that,
Me included,
It could have been true
If I was not grateful
To wonderful kind people like you.
—
The Clowne From Clown.
Comments (18)
You certainly have empathy now….and your soul is very kind a beautiful or you could not write what you write with such feeling or is is sheer observation…whatever it is I for one are certainly glad you were not killed at birth
Very profound somehow.Grateful…full of grate..now if one were to mix the letters up a little it would read: greatful…full of great(ness).For only those that can be grateful preserve a speck of humility which keeps them in check and propels them towards even bigger things may they be “only” introspective or for the world to see.
Terry, I most certainly have not changed my mind about you, reading this. I agree, you do have compassion, you care alot, otherwise, why the compliments, why the heart? You are blessed by much. The gratitude is sent back, ten-fold! You are a wise, intelligent and caring soul. What arrogance? We ALL have pedastals from time-to-time! Your writing is so touching, sometimes sublime, sometimes ‘wretched’–what’s not to love? <3
Oh Terry, I am certainly glad you were not killed at birth. Horrible thought!!
You are one of the sweetest kindest gentlemen I know… and you are creative and very funny, and a wonderful writer.
I am so glad to know you
I am sure that when we all get to meet you, we will find out that you are as nice as we all think you are!
Gratitude is powerful. For those of us who give, it’s dangerous to expect it, though.
Everyone is “born without morals” .. they have to be learned and like most things, the best way to learn is trial and error… and you’ve just made so many errors (like me) that you should well be a bloody genius by now (like me
) .. i’m gonna swallow my pride and try and re-open a relation with Becca… that is if my pride doesn’t choke me to death.
Lovely to be grateful, and to have something to be grateful for.
Such profound thoughts and words you are one of the most kind and nice men I have come across you feel so deeply take care
Angela
Ok…this has me bawling. I want to hug that little boy and tell him he his worth it…he is special…and he is loved. Oh you special man you….I see you still touch hearts and you have stolen mine with this one.
Terry, just a question:
Exactly how many personalities do you have?
I find it amazing to be able to keep in character in EVERY poem. Great stuff. I see you have a book? Wonderful.
You never miss stirring up feelings for me when I read your poems.
Well done!
Being grateful is a good thing! That you are grateful means you are loved! @-}-}–
How very lovely! I disagree, though. You do have morals and love, and I think you try very hard to have empathy. You were just born with a different orientation to the world – one that makes it hard for you to understand others and hard for us to understand you at times. I think to some extent, that is true of all of us. You contribute a lot to those you touch, though, and we should be very grateful to you.
Well, I refrain from doing those things not because I have no morals, but because my morals are drastically different. In actuality, I refrain because to not refrain means imprisonment, and a ruining of my future. So you see, I’m very survival based, and very self-centered. Why do you think my series is called Truth of MY Soul?
This moved me to tears…
I Really Wanted
RSBlain 8-1-2005
I really wanted to meet you but
The time and place were
too many hours, days and weeks apart
Our plans were doomed from the beginning
We had NO IDEA
When I thought I might be dying
That it was you who would be making the journey
How fast lives change and in a blink of an eye
You disappeared
Like a puff of smoke in the wind you were blown
And how quickly
You dissipated to places only the Angels are aware
I really wanted to say good bye
and the time and the place never found each other
Where does time disappear to
When she should be
Fast rounding us up for the get-to-gethers
That never happen
There is a big empty place in my stomach
And the food will not be forthcoming
.
Just reading your poems, Terry, it is possible to see your heart was even bigger than your mouth! [and everyone knows that's saying something! ;¬)] Your wonderful output of words, your humour, your frankness, your love for people shine through and you will go on shining through the mass of work you leave behind. We, who were privileged to know you enough, know you through GU and here are remembering you and will remember you as the dear, very kind and encouraging man you were.