May 28, 2005
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Sorry, more misery! When I was 13 I was sitting opposite my (non-smoking) coal-mining uncle. He was 43 and off sick with short breath. He used to have to go and lie on the settee after going to their outside toilet.
Once he was talking to me, my auntie was in the kitchen, my cousins, (I expect) were out playing, they were younger than me.
“I-am-alright-Terry” he gasped “it’s-just-”
I waited for him to finish his sentence, but he never would. His death at that moment had a deep lasting shock on me, I remember his last words to this day.
Well, he died I guess of emphysema, and hey, guess what I could well have!
I am off sick because I can’t get my breath, and there’s nothing wrong with my heart and I do not have diabetes…
Of course there is treatment today (but no cure) sure I never smoked, but nor did my uncle. My father always smoked in front of me and used to say “you are not a man if you don’t smoke” it was defience to an uncaring father that made sure I wouldn’t smoke.
But it looks as if I might have emphysema, it won’t stop me visiting the States, like hell it will!
Will answer as always from my lordpineapple site, open the champagne all you who hate me!
Anyway cheered myself up by ruffling feathers on the dailyhaiku site, showing them what a REAL haiku looks like! Thanks soonaquitter
The next entry, the daily haiku has gone back to morans who knows not the fuck what they are writing about. So sorry Laurie, but I am soon a quitting that site of doggeral
Comments (22)
They have a new inhaler out that is supposed to help and I have been using it for about 3 weeks. Spiriva. I too have the dreaded but then I smoked for eons. There are things that help so don’t give up the ship
Lordy, I haven’t had time to read much or comment on the many poems you’ve posted. I’m glad you really like Americans but I believe that aside from your individual talent it’s the British-ness in you that gives your work its very appealing character, and characters. Tiffy, the Reverend, and that little girl might never have been born–or worse, Americanized into a heart-of-gold hooker, a sanctimonious child molestor, and a precocious brat, if you’d been born on this side of the world. Enjoy your visit to the States. I don’t know if I mentioned it before but a girlhood friend, whose mother was English, had two cats, one named Bubbles and the other Squeak. Is the combination a term for some kind of food?
My whole childhood, my dad smoked. When I became of age I started smoking, and shortly after, he quit. He went cold turkey and never went back. He never suggested to me that I should quit and I never did (although I did try many times). Now my kids are of age to smoke, but they know better and don’t. My mother still smoked until just recently. I still say I’ll quit sometime, but don’t really want to yet. Will is a peculiar thing isn’t it?
My parents and grandmother smoked. My grandfather chewed tobacco. I don’t smoke, and won’t date any girl who does smoke.
I’m currently doing paperwork and preparing to go to South Korea to teach English. My church operates the SDA Language Institute, and they have a lot of positions to fill. I may be going there in August, but I won’t have my departure date until sometime in June. Things could go spectacularly wrong, though, and I won’t go until November…. I’ll keep you and Becca posted as to what is going on.
Jim
I’ve never smoked either, although both my parents did and my husband used to smoke 60 a day, he gave up 7 years ago. My kids both smoke.
i can believe that was a shock … odd how life can change in the blink of an eye …
Oh, dear, sweet man–you’re most welcome! Thank you for brightening up so many of my days, with your words (and all the others as well)!
I use an inhaler called ‘Combivent,’ takes care of the asthma, as well as the emphysema.
Just read your prior post…you’re not going to ship out sailor! You know what? You are well-loved and well-read–you have monsoons of empathy–it shows in your works! You are capable of love–learn to open up to it–let it in. Do you have any idea how many of us care? You SHOW your love and empathy in the way you comment. Take the blinders off, and truly see!
I think soonaquitter has said what I really would have said too. I don’t want to think about your joining your uncle just yet – it is far too sad. You point up the stupidity of my youth, though.
I never smoked as a teen, well, early teen. But when I got to college, I started to smoke then (and drink a bit) to make me seem a bit older, and more, well…you know. And then I did it for a number of years.
Sixteen or seventeen years ago, I quit. Up until that time, I used to think, quite cavalierly, that anything that you smoked/drank/ate/breathed/etc. could make you sick. When I was diagnosed with a pre-cancerous condition, it shook me up and knocked some sense into me. The problem was treated and I stopped smoking.
Soonaquitter was right about the haiku – and it was lovely to read your characters join the fray – in their (your) own fashion.
I hope that you feel better – and I wish that you were able to visit here when you are planning to come to the US.
i tried smoking but it made me look green and feel sick and neither was very fashionable at the time, i mean it marked my white boots…!
thanks for posting about it… 
i invested in a lovely little cigerette holder and took to smoking (but not breathing in) the turkish small brown ones.. they smelt foul and i soon gave them up.. … was a conversation peice for a while… but with hair like mine.. even with the long white holder the danger was that it would set my hair alight…
i tried that site too.. the daily haiku one
ps.. can you pack me in the suitcase when you go tot he us.. i want to go too!
I’ve been trying to quit lately. Didn’t smoke for like 2 weeks. I have to try again. Sorry you’re having smoker’s health problems and you’ve never been a smoker. I’m glad to see you don’t plan to let it bring you down.
Rock on at dailyhaiku. I love it.
My uncle had emphysema and lived a full life. I would really like to meet you when Becca brings you to Rockford so please don’t give up on the trip. She is quite the hostess and would take good care of you. Thank you for the thoughtful comment on my blog about my father.
I’ve never been a smoker or a drinker–I simply settled on other vices, such as food! I’m hoping for good news from your doctor and your speedy recovery. Please take care!
Treatments have improved over the years. I don’t know what they’ve done for emphysema sufferers, but it’s worth looking into.
HOw horribly awful. That must have really affected your life.
G’wan! There are people who hate you? Eh, they’re simply jealous of your genius. And what a wonderful shock that must have been at such a young age. I imagine you used it to your advantage.
I quit that haiku site too. A bunch of a**holes over there (some nice people too who just don’t know any better)
Tragic… what a shock it was for you.
Asthma, that is probably what you have. They have medicines for that, to open up the lungs.
Frequently a problem in Spring.
Have you been to the doctor?
Speaking of… when you travel over here, be sure to tell your doctor. Also when you are on the aircraft be sure to get up and walk around every 30 – 40 minutes. You dont want any blood clots ruining your voyage
Take care of yourself Terry.
Are you sure it is emphysema ,have you been to doctor for confirmation .Glad you are still taking the trip and hope you can keep well enough .That was a terrible thing to see your uncle die. I don’t think many people hate you surely Love Marj
I missed out so much on this site….. so I read about 3-4 posts at a go… and I want to say that your poem was excellent. Thankyou for sharing, my dear Lord.
Do not leave Xanga….without you, where’s the life and the splash of colors that always bring about such joys to us all?
We may be born without value, without anything, but its who we make ourselves out to be that matters…. and you have made yourself out to be someone really creative and caring…. and I, if only I could show you the same amount of care and gratitude for your kindness…..
People who are bporn wih everything tned to want to spoil this for themselves,,,,, in the end they may be worse off than a scumbag…
Life is full of mysteries and cruel surprises…. we all are our own sources of happiness and unhappiness in the end…
I want to let you know that you’re a wonderful person, feel free to share all your joys and woes with us…we are the fortunate ones being able to be a part of your life!
Screw those who are going to dislike you…. in ife we always have our fans and our detestors…its those who matter that we should care about…
ANd I bet the United States is going to be in for a great treat, and welcoming you with arms wide open…
leaving a stalk of dark rose,
-Elle
Terry, there are many people who have emphezyma.I am also one of them.However, it depends of the amount.It might just be very slight and there are things like herbal teas and fresh sea air that do help.Also breathing exercises and inhalers.I have tried them all and found some of them work really well.I know the shock of seeing your uncle die of it is deep and can set you into a state of panic.We are further in medicine today and check things out at the doctor first and explore your options re treatment.
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