April 17, 2005
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So why don’t I get anything published today?
Brain damage has resulted in me fearing rejection, so I never send anything, poems or prose off to be ascessed. I have in the past, been published all over the world; so my fear is irrational, but are not all fears?
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I failed as a husband because I worked full time, played rugby and cricket, acted in plays (lots of rehearsals), I ran for charity and of course I wrote, spending loads of time sending things off, and I also read, something had to give.
It was not only my marriage that gave in but my mind. I started to feel lost in places, a common occurence in cases of people born with Asperger’s, but one I had long mastered. Then I started seeing things. My ex with her usual lack of tact (in a way I based The Sarahs’ on her, she also had the charm of a skunk in a perfumerie) said I was going batty, and it was true, things started to give after me seeing images like new born babies knifed, lovers that died together, raped children and a woman who hung herself from a tree.
But it was not insanity I was suffering but a series of tiny strokes that resulted in me one day falling down in Nottingham’s Woolworths and spending weeks in and out of a coma.
I started then on my spiralness toways abject poverty.
I wish I had a patron, many artists would not have been known without patrons. We would not have known about Shakespeare or Vincent Van Gogh or e e cummings without their patrons. There would have been no Virgil’s The Aenaid, no Dante’s Inferno, no Mozart’s “The Magic Flute” without patrons. Likewise there will be no finished novel “Anyway” without my patron and it’s by far the funniest thing (and the most commercial) I have ever wrote.
I eMailed Rumsfeld, told him a great poet like himself should sponsor other poets. But I got no reply from him or his flunkies. Is it cos I’m a Brit? (Or a twat?) P.S. James has other ideas!
I promised you photos, I am cramming them all onto a blogspot site slowly, having discovered Picasa2 and Hello transfers both of which (like blogspot and one of my eMail addresses) from Google and is FREE.
Free, that is the word I love. Getting a free used scanner (I hope it works) getting a free picture publisher, a free picture blog that’s easier to download pictures onto than this thing. I know, I’ve tried with this blog but it hasn’t worked, all I get are little red crosses. Last time I got Becca to help, but she is too ill to do her web-pages without worrying about mine!
So every day I am going to add a series of my pictures on the blogspot site Doctor Peter Lovindale. (link) (now who the f*** can THAT be?) Today it’s war memorabilia, tomorrow it’s a few Personal photos.
Hopefully can get my new camera and scanner to work better than I can get my dvd player and video recorder to work ie not at all, because the part of the brain for technology has gone and my family are tired of fixing things up for me as if I was a child.
One other link I’ll like the more patient to click is my updated link page where you can read the sites I visit instead of looking at dvd’s and videos. “Linking Arms” consists of websites to find poems, song lyrics, pictures… also the weird and the delightful are there from “Jump The Shark” to “The Darwin Awards”.
Coming soon, all being well, are my photos of Oxford, which I am sure are more interesting than my pictures of Clowne would be, then it’s Scotland, Menton, and maybe one day somewhere in America.
That’s all for now. Got other links like Wordfaeries new CD, but they will go on my next LordPineapple blog with the poems of my very first fictional poet “blackie fortuna”. Today The Rev Toby † (I hope that shows on your computer it is The Lord’s cross, let me know if you don’t see it as such.) shows his wares with 4 things “he” wrote only last week.
Three_Headed_Sarahs have gone for their greatest posts. also news of their party next week!
Be good, and if you can’t, wear a condom.
Terry
Funny thing a lot of fellow Xanga- Brits have gone ice-cold to me. Anyone know why?
UPDATES: 18th Personal pics on the Doctor Peter Lovindale Site. 19th Scottish photos ditto 20th Derbyshire Photos http://lovindale.blogspot.com/
My books have come, and I have a new digital camera. Sorry not been on my three blogs lately, much on my mind. Will not update till I visit you all!
Comments (27)
Maybe it’s because he’s a twat.
I checked out the pics. I especially like the war ephemera. Well done. I think I ought to check out Picasa2 and Hello. In the meantime, I think you’re onto something in the quest for a patron. If you find two, feel free to send one my way.
I think I’ll just be good
I laugh in the face of rejection. What do they always say? “You can’t steal second and keep your foot on first.” … or something like that.
i don’t know much about technology even though i work in an electronics department and am suppose to know things about it but if i can help in any way just yell at me.
I don’t think you were a bad person in a former life… perhaps an excentric one but definitely not bad.
Thanks to share with us a part of your life , Terry .
I watched the new site Doctor Peter Lovindale . It ‘ s great . Could I make a suggestion . Don’ t put too much picture once a time . I like taste them drop by drop . They deserve it .
In friendship
Michel
Interesting mailboxes…
There is nothing. Simply put. I say again. There is nothing.
I really enjoyed all the pictures. I have acouple of war related items that belonged to my grandparents. I was surprised to see all the different mailboxes. They are very different from the regulation ones that predominate everywhere over here.
I always enjoy reading your interesting posts. The war pics were great, too!
Glad to see you are going to do a bit of photography on one of your sites…would love to see the places that inspire your poetry and writings….as for not getting answers from some of your Brits…you may be a bit much for some…You do love to “push the envelope” to the limits…irreverent..cheeky….off-color…and a bit obnoxious at times…that is exactly why I read you!
Hey thanks for the wating.
It is a little unsettling make a move that fast. But now kinda trying to figure out the life around here.
Thanks again, I will be back here to comment on your postings.
The Signature Of A True Human Is The Smile He/She Brings On The Face Of Others.
LonelyPoet
Every site I visit, I am incredibly in awe. Well done.
Free. I also love free. I don’t care what it is, if it has the word free in front of it, I am content
Dear Terry,
Ah, we still use blogger at times don’t we? I very much enjoyed the war ephemera, WWII has always been one of my interests. England fought it for years before we yanks ever joined the fight. (Ah those were the days, when Americans tried to stay out of world politics)
Also wandered over to an old Clowne from Clowne site on Blogger written right after you had the stroke. I certainly hope you are not one of those people who believe that we just “cease” to exist when we die. I have been ”preaching” to unhearing ears for about three decades that when the human body “dies” the “mind’ or the “soul” joins with the other ”minds” or “souls”, both past, present, and future, in the Universal Mind, which makes up the cosmos.
The final passage from ”this life” to the “next” is called the “final realization”, and nobody knows of the existence of the parallel plane of existence until death claims us. There is no “God” inasumch as we are all “God”, and this “thought entity” has been “existing” since prehistory, and envelops all and every.
My mother had a bilateral stroke in 1972. (I recently dealt with the subject in a rather personal poem called “No Stroke of Luck: A Freeform Elegry”) I was very intrigued by your comment on WhenWordsCollide that you’ve been witing poetry for as long as I have. We are a “dying” breed of “pre internet” poets who wrote poetry before it was “fashionable” in certain circles. Some of my peers actually would “laugh” at my ability to write poetry. It’s not something that one usually even admitted in these “circles”. Else people might have thought I was a poof.
Charles Bukowski changed all that in the 70s. Guys actually would read my poems. (I always had the feminine readership.) Now with the internet, we can post our legacy online for as long as we can pay for it. I have read a lot of your Homestead site, and I really love your posts here. It almost seems as if you are “getting it all down” before fears that you might lose your memory of your life. I applaud you, and this Yank will , irrespective of the Brits who have seemingly abandoned you, remain a fan for as long as you are blogging and wirting. You have had a most amazing life, and it all should be catalogued in a series of “volumes” some day.
(And your “published in America” now thanks to Elizabeth. (The Queen of Swords.) I certainly hope I can make it to Doug’s this summer to actually “meet” you in the flesh, and to trade life notes. However, I believe I am developing cataracts, and am going into the optometrist’s on the 19th to find out if I need another surgery so I can see straight again.
Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool
Isn’t there something along the lines of an endowment for the arts in Britain, similar to what the US has? I’ve read that there are some pro-arts groups that will sponsor artists to work with school kids. I’m going to be looking into it myself this week. The artist or poet is paid to work with studends in learning how to draw or paint or write stories and poems. This link to the Kentucky Arts Council will give you some idea of what I’m trying to articulate here. Artist in residence programs, that’s the term I was looking for. Is there any way you can become a part of such a program in your location?
Jim
Thank you very much.
The brits have gone cold on you? so what, their loss my friend, not yours! There’s an Italian saying, “chi non accetta non merita”, “those who do not accept, do not deserve”. Just keep blogging, you’ve got loads of fans, don’t need any “cold Brits”. RITA.
As in most cases, you have very sound advice. I would love some pictures of Scotland and Oxford!
M.A.
Brits gone ice cold? How could that be? Is it even possible to get there from Britain?
Thank you so much for sharing this. I really liked the war pics as well. Great post!
Hugs.
Have a wonder-filled evening!
Thanks for the view into your personal life. Once again it is touching and real. I blog several times a week usually, and it is always so mundane. I will try to be inspired by you and wirte some more truths instead of just the everysay garbage. Hugs Terry.
You are a wonderful person to share your heart with us…your failures, your losses, your health, and your gifts of poetry and photography and you show us also how to keep moving forward. You do wonderful things my friend. Who needs anyone in our life who is cold to us?
Brilliant and informative post! I love the new site; Beautiful photos of Scotland. SCOTCH!!
DRINK!! DRINK!! DRINK!! DRINK!!
feck off…
I never submit anything for publication because I can never decide what to send where…plus I think there are plenty of other “confessional” female poets out there writing much better than I am. I, too, have thought longingly about having a patron…God, I wish I had one…but I don’t …so I have to work in a cubicle all day, cook and clean for my 2 kids and squeeze in the writing when I can. I am going to have to peek at the pictures later. Take care. ~jacki
i have a couple patron saints i am banking on ~ get one they are free ~ no limit lord p. magi
The internet is “publication” in a new bunny suit. Anybody with a printer can distribute anything on the internet easier than a trip to the library. Of course there’s no money in it, but there isn’t that much to be had in poetry anyway unless you are universally compelling plus I’d guess 75% of the world never reads anyway. I enjoy reading the “real you” as much as, if not more, than reading poetry.
Loved the picture of the bridge used in the dam busters film. As you know I am a fan of the dam busters and the WWII RAF. Bern was a member. He flew a Mosquito when it was still made with wood.
Thanks for the compliment on my short poem on my blogspot.
And here’s hugs for you….{{{{{hugs}}}}}
I have aspergers and so does my son.
There is no such thing as failure unless one gives up for good.The rest is just a long waiting time to get appreciated or find likeminded or kindred spirits.Just because something is not accepted right away does not mean it is not valuable.It’s a matter of Thyme.