May 24, 2005
-
The whole of my life I have tried to understand people, tried to be kind to them, understanding towards them, but each time I fail.
I am seriously thinking of forgetting Xanga and even America, for I do not deserve such generiousity. I have tried, yes I have tried to understand, to be nice, to know their feelings, but it has not worked, it has never worked for me.
I wish someone will kill me, clearly I am not a man worthy of life, I try so hard to love, but at the end of the day I know it’s me, born without the ability ever to love. If you are born without empathy then you will never be worthy of life. Hitler had the right idea putting people like me to death, for we will never be a part of life.
Only a burden on the normal.
———–
Comments (22)
No. This is not true. It is not.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Terry}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} you have never been a burden in my life but a joy. Please know that I speak the truth. HUGS Margot
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Terry}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} you have never been a burden in my life but a joy. Please know that I speak the truth. HUGS Margot
Terry, the only “burden” you have ever laid on me was of pleasure, wonder and amusement. Your words open up worlds I’ve never known and also resonate with all that is comfortable and familiar to me.
At times my own empathy is a burden, and yet I’ve made of it my stock in trade. Too bad you didn’t get a case of narcissism to go with the Asperger’s, so that you’d not care about not feeling others’ pain, or exult in that freedom as Greyfox sometimes does.
Hitler was deluded and damaged. I’m glad he was only partially successful in his aims. As for you, in my opinion you are lovable and laudable for your perception and articulation. Stay, please.
I couldn’t disagree more.
Those who don’t deserve generosity seldom receive it. Hell, those who do deserve it seldom receive it. Your talent in moving people through your poetry (and also your talent in pissing people off through your three-headed comments) makes people want to know you better… to know the “real” you. It is understandable that from your experience, you have gotten “gun-shy” of people, but try not to let it cloud your judgement. I have seen too many Xangans leave already and if you quit, it would never be the same for me again. I’ve thought about quitting many times myself and always came back because of the words of an old friend who passed away a few years ago…”f**k ‘em if they can’t take a joke!” You’re probably only confused because you’ve always written under pen names and maybe this is the first time anybody has known the man behind the personas. Desreving or not, I say, grab all the love you can. Unlike money, you can take it with you.
I never thanked you, I have been so busy, I was so grateful for your beautiful comment on my poetry it meant so much to me, thank you.
Terry. It’s okay to feel like this once in a while. It’s even cool if ya say it. But ya know, sometimes the world isn’t really like your perceptions of it. Don’t go around worrying about whether you deserve someone else’s attention. Just be. That’s good enough for me.
Gads, if you leave this place will be so empty. It seems like at least half the people I read originally, only about 8 months ago, have gone away for one reason or another.
You are not going to leave as I will make sure you are miserable for the rest of your days if you do. Now, I want you to straighten up and fly right and things will be okay. You know what to do as I have told you and so now, do it. Quit feeling down for yourself and pick up the pieces and make it known to the proper person that although you were showing her your bad side, you truly did not mean to upset her and that she means a lot to you and that your Sarah side came thru when it should not have.
Love and hugs and no way will I ever be upset enough to drop you on your head. Once was enough.
Terry, can I tell you that you have had a profound effect on me and my writing? I believe you have had that effect on many people. I’m not quite sure what is going on in your life that is making you feel undeserving or worthless, but you have had and still have an important purpose on this earth and if you left xanga tomorrow and I never heard from you or of you again, I would never forget you and in many ways my little life will never be quite the same because of you. There were many times I was nervous or shy or felt insecure about posting a comment or even putting something up on my blog, but I would think of people like you, courageous and out there, and your kind comments and the silly comments I’ve seen the sarahs leave and it always motivated me. So, thank you. I’m sorry it took a post such as this for me to take the time to tell you that, but it’s very sincere.
Is it true, then? You’ve never understood me? Because I thought we understood each other well, like two halves of a cocoa nut.
I would think that you would understand that love is not based on feeling or hormones. Love is an expressed action of the heart. It is not meant to be understood. It is to be accepted, as it is given, without condition. From my religious views, sin is the mystery. Why do people hate? Why do people kill? Why are atrocities committed? Sin has no place here. Love, kindness, acceptance… these are the behaviors we were created to express to one another. There is no mystery to these things, for in them do we become family.
None of us are worthy, Terry. And that makes us all equals.
{{{{hugs}}}} to you, my brother.
Jim
What the heck is empathy? What is it that you claim you do not have it? I have never seen a lack of it in any posts you have wrtitten or comments that I have read.On the contrary I often have seen glimpses of what I call empathy. Please, you must know that a word such as that is interpreted 1000 different ways by people therefore who has the right to say you do not have it?As for the Hitler bit I would say why drag up this ridiculous and totally insane criminal and use him for an example?His euthanasia would have not included people without empathy because they would have fit his scheme and he would have tried using them.Since you are anything but material that would have been fit for his purposes I suggest you realize your true value by reading all these comments very slowly and clearly.Comments by people who treasure you and care deeply about you, Terry.Running away or leaving only lets you start again but does not guarantee a change.Stick with this, you are liked, admired, treasured, wanted and needed.Enough of leaving,stay.Please.
I don’t think anyone DESERVES anything. But also think that when something special comes our way, we should accept it for what it is–a gift from a person (or people) who care.
As you can see, there are many people who would truly miss you if you weren’t on Xanga anymore—-or if you didn’t get to come to America.
Hang in there!!!!!
whoaaaaaaaa..what happened?
don’t go.
Oh gosh, some of us would be at a complete loss without your genius and encouragement. You do love but in your own way.
Did you realize in saying, “I have no empathy” you have included yourself? So that is the starting point….give yourself a word of praise for living with and trying your best to overcome the burden of Asperger’s. We who suffer with a disease that has no physical manifestations and has not been accepted as a condition we neither wished for nor allowed are often at a loss to explain our behavior. As a recovering alchoholic/pill addict, I should have realized that was your lot in life.
Born without the ability to love, my ass. Love pours out of every one of your poems. I’ve been reading them on all of your many sites for ages, and I often find myself wondering who it is that you have loved so deeply that you are able to make me love her as well. Because I do love Sophie Lucy Morgan. I love Reverend Tobias and Tiffy and the whole slew of characters that visit your poems every once in a while just to leave some footprints before they travel on.
You have such deep empathy that you are able to see clearly through the eyes of an eight year old girl. That in itself is a beautiful gift. You are amazing. I’ve always wanted to meet you and just sit and listen to you talk, see where your mind takes us, record it for posterity. But I can’t – all I have is xanga. So please, don’t leave. You are loved.
I accept you as you are and I think you are very special.
So who’s normal? That’s an awful thing to aspire to! This American thinks you’re great!
My friend I will missed you..
I am sorry in my weakness and dispare I pulled away as i felt your presence receeding from this world… My words did not seem to comfort you and I did not use sufficent intension in time to bring you here. None of that matters now
And for those like me, who loved him ..I tell you this
Life and death are not polar the opposites that your mind so often sees in this world of form.
The existence of our life wrapped in our physical forms is but a training stage in the development of consciousness. Death is a door way.. We cannot normally see past this point, just as a baby in the womb cannot begin to imagine the world into which it will emerge. Out existence…. Our being has much to experience on other many other levels before we reunite with the source…
In such a way each of us who were once spun off from the ~One, grow and evolve and when reunited with the ~One, will each will add our experience to the evolving collective consciousness….Our mind can never begin to understand this thing so many feel as God …but each of us can feel almost as a memory, this intangeable connection, as a knowing realization, that we are all parts interwoven in a the fabric of all that is. ,In this iterative process our experience in physical form is but a single often difficulty step, taken in this process.
In many way Terry renounced the physical world some time ago… the deep connection to spirit he felt separated from was so strongly expressed in his writing the contrast allowed many to explore and better understand this connection for themselves. In such a paradoxical way he brought light into this world … life dealt him, as it does many of us, a hand he never seemed to embrace. Spirit was not something he could easily accept or feel directly through the wall of pain his compassion generated as he sensed so deeply the suffering in our world.
Terry was truly a wonderful, kind soul whose concern for life was not just limited to himself. I know now, he lives that continued existence he had so much difficulty in accepting.
In this new level of reality, the character he is, with his enduring qualities of imagination and creativity will flourish and he will find this existence most fascinating indeed.
Thank you Terry for all you did to help me and for the kindness the touch of your presence brought to this world
~Doug